Little Brother

I've been debating whether or not to write this post.  I honestly don't want to, but since this blog is sort of a simple journal, I thought I had better write some details here.  

I was due to have a baby boy on July 15.  On July 10 we went to the hospital because I hadn't felt him move as much in the past few days.  There are more details than that, but we'll leave it at that for now.  I had been at the OB only 5 days earlier, and everything was fine.  But, it wasn't on Tuesday, July 10.  We found out that there was no heartbeat and our little boy was gone.  I was induced and delivered Penelope's little brother on July 11 at 1:37 am.  He weighed 7 lbs, 4 oz and was 22 inches long.  He looked just like Penelope, but he had less hair than she did, and it was blonder.  His nose was also a little smaller.  He did have really long, skinny fingers, just like his big sister.  We took pictures for ourselves and said our goodbyes.  We named him Marshall Logan Kay, although there is no official birth or death certificate.  He will be listed in our church records as a stillborn.  Family immediately came to help us deal with things and arrange a small memorial for him.

We are currently grieving and each day is different.  The one constant right now is lots of crying (for me, at least).  Penelope knows something is different, and wants lots of attention from mom and dad.  Dave will return to work this week and we'll continue to figure out what it means to find "a new normal" since this is not what we were expecting.  Thanks to everyone who has supported us thus far.  It's going to be a long road, so be patient with us--we're still trying to make sense of things, and I don't really want to see anyone right now or talk to very many people about it. 

We do have faith that we'll get to see little Marshall again, but that's in the future.  We'd prefer to hold him in our arms now, not later.  But, that's not an option.  Until then we continue to have faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the comforting peace that it can bring--and cry.  A lot.

New Kicks

Penelope has been making good progress with her physical therapy.  She loves to walk all over the place when she holds our hands.  She also has started crawling on the bed, but nowhere else.  I think she feels safe on the soft bed.  She pulls herself up to her knees against any surface she can--chairs, the couch, the entertainment center, her exersaucer, beds, and on and on and on.  With all this walking, she is still really wobbly, even in her Keen sandals, which provide pretty good support. 

 Last time we were at physical therapy they started talking (well, not P's therapist, but another one watching us) about orthopedic baby ankle boots.  My kid doesn't have club feet!  She doesn't need orthopedic shoes!  I have flat feet, and I can walk.  My pediatrician says babies don't develop their arches until they're two anyway.  But, when P walks barefoot, her ankles really do roll inwards.  So, we broke down and bought her nice, supportive tennis shoes!  They are bright purple and lime green.  She was so excited when she got them that she spun in a circle pounding her feet on the floor.  That, and she's been walking all day since.  She literally refuses to sit down!  They do seem to make a difference in her stability.  Here's hoping she can learn to walk a little sooner!

Penelope Discovers the Box of Cheerios

We left the pantry open and Penelope quickly learned the joy of dumping cheerios on the floor. She seemed to thoroughly enjoy it!

Someone is 15 Months Old...

 ...and her name is Penelope!  Look how happy she is to have her picture taken!!

 Penelope is a very enjoyable 15-month old.  She loves dogs SO much.  She barks every time she sees one be it in person, in a book, at the park or in commercials.  Her little, high-pitched "ruff ruff" is so cute to hear whenever she sees one.  She is actually starting to bark every time she sees ANY animal.  But, she still does the monkey sound for monkeys.

 Physical therapy has really helped this past month (or maybe it has been 6 weeks by now).  As you can see, she is standing at furniture, when we place her there.  She pulls up onto her knees, but hasn't quite figured out how to pull up to a standing position.  One of her favorite places to stand is at the entertainment center.  She also enjoys standing at the couch and Skyping.  Notice how both activities involve technology...

 These ASPCA commercials are seriously her favorite!!  Usually she ignores the TV--until there are commercials...with dogs.

 We're trying to teach her not to touch the screen, but it's kind of hard when she needs the practice standing, and the TV is so close.

We really do love our little girl.  She loves to walk when we hold her hands, otherwise she's scooting around the house chasing us down or exploring.  She has a full mouth of teeth.  All she has left to get is her two year molars.  She loves to cuddle with mom and dad and her baby dolls.  Here's hoping she likes her little brother.  I think she'll be quite curious as to who this new person is.  I also anticipate some poking and jabbing...after all, that is what she does to Dave and me.  She loves to jab her thumbs into Dave's eyeballs!  Oh, Penelope, you have a little bit of a violent streak. :)

We went to the pediatrician today, and she is long and skinny, just as always.  Here are her 15 month stats:

Height:  32.75 inches (98th percentile)

Weight: 25 lbs 3 oz (95th percentile)

Head: 18 1/8 cm  (60th percentile--I think)

Sometimes I'm REALLY Tired

This week is week 37 of this pregnancy.  Last week, I was really productive and getting lots of projects done before the baby came.  For example, I made this car seat cover: 

I couldn't use the pink, ruffly one I had for Penelope!  I also have a bunch of other craft projects that I wanted to finish.  The only one I have completed is the big sis and lil bro shirts for the kids.  Things like the name garland are going to have to wait.  I should technically make his blessing outfit before he's born, because I doubt it will happen post-baby.  The problem with that is I'm super tired!

Being über productive last week has made me really tired this week.  So, instead of being a crazy crafter, I'm resting up as much as possible (P is teething again--working on her canines, teeth numbers 15 & 16), and doing the essentials.  That means I'm packing hospital bags and cleaning the house in case people come visit after we're home from the hospital.

I'm also exhausted because it's hard work growing a baby!  That, and thinking about all of the scenarios of how to get to the hospital, whether or not Dave will be at work in DC when I go into labor, who is going to take care of Penelope in which scenario, and when to actually call Dave when labor starts (How long do I wait?  I know when to go to the hospital, but now how early to make Dave come home--I'll play it by ear, because the OB can't give me advice: "everyone is different").  I think I am enough of a planner and stress ball that I would prefer being induced instead of this period of unknown that I have reached.  I'm full term this week and for the next 3 to 4 weeks it's just a matter of waiting and hoping Dave can get out of the city (we're a one car family, he'll be taking a taxi) or that I go into labor on a weekend, or in the middle of the night!

Whew, just thinking through all of this makes me super tired, too!  Here's hoping I don't turn into a zombie in the next 6 months.  If I start to make less and less sense when you talk to me, you'll know why.  

Our Little Ankle Pincher

I can't remember whether or not I mentioned this, but at about 13 months Penelope started scooting around on her bum.  It's her favorite mode of transportation.  She's getting quite fast, and gets around fairly quickly. Sometimes she even catches some air, she's moving so quickly.  One of her favorite things to do is scoot up to me or Dave and pinch our ankles.  She does it when I'm doing laundry, sitting on the couch, or trying to make dinner. She's been doing it a lot today, that's why I mention it.

Because she's so old and only scooting, we have started taking her to physical therapy.  She now tries to get up on her knees, and really likes to stand (assisted, of course).  We can even force her to take a few steps if we have a toy she wants.  That requires us holding her hips and helping her along.  She seems to have no natural inclination to do this stuff.  Dave says it's his genes causing the delay.  He says he was a lazy baby/kid.  Here's hoping she catches on eventually.

Penelope's Words

Penelope has started talking a little bit.  (Keep in mind she's still only 14 mos old, so her words are only about half a syllable).  She tries to repeat whatever I say.  Of course, I make sure to use one syllable words a lot with her. It's really cute to watch her try to say what I do.

Words Penelope will repeat if I say them:

• sit
• hot
• hi 
• pool (which mostly comes out as "oo"--still working on this one)
• ta-da!, which is usually "da"
• uh-oh, which is "oh"

Words Penelope says all on her own (I'm counting them all as her first word):

• Dad, which sounds like "da"
• ball, which sounds like "bah" 
• bath, which sounds like "ba"

Besides a few words, she is also doing a few animal sounds.  We read a lot of books with animals in them, so we're always making animal sounds.  She also has a few animal toys--a tiger, a monkey, a lamb, and many beanie babies: dogs, cats, snake, lizard, etc.  Like I said, Penelope is surrounded by animal sounds!  As a result , she tries to repeat them.  She mostly repeats the monkey and lamb sounds.  Our monkey sound is "eee eee eee ah ah ah".  Hers is "ah ah".  Our lamb sound is "baaaa" (with stuttering to sound more like a lamb), hers is a long "aaaa".  Seriously, she's the cutest thing ever!  We also have a dragon ride on toy that roars, so of course, she roars, too.  Penelope loves roaring and grunting contests.  Come visit us and she'll show you all her tricks!