Little Brother

I've been debating whether or not to write this post.  I honestly don't want to, but since this blog is sort of a simple journal, I thought I had better write some details here.  

I was due to have a baby boy on July 15.  On July 10 we went to the hospital because I hadn't felt him move as much in the past few days.  There are more details than that, but we'll leave it at that for now.  I had been at the OB only 5 days earlier, and everything was fine.  But, it wasn't on Tuesday, July 10.  We found out that there was no heartbeat and our little boy was gone.  I was induced and delivered Penelope's little brother on July 11 at 1:37 am.  He weighed 7 lbs, 4 oz and was 22 inches long.  He looked just like Penelope, but he had less hair than she did, and it was blonder.  His nose was also a little smaller.  He did have really long, skinny fingers, just like his big sister.  We took pictures for ourselves and said our goodbyes.  We named him Marshall Logan Kay, although there is no official birth or death certificate.  He will be listed in our church records as a stillborn.  Family immediately came to help us deal with things and arrange a small memorial for him.

We are currently grieving and each day is different.  The one constant right now is lots of crying (for me, at least).  Penelope knows something is different, and wants lots of attention from mom and dad.  Dave will return to work this week and we'll continue to figure out what it means to find "a new normal" since this is not what we were expecting.  Thanks to everyone who has supported us thus far.  It's going to be a long road, so be patient with us--we're still trying to make sense of things, and I don't really want to see anyone right now or talk to very many people about it. 

We do have faith that we'll get to see little Marshall again, but that's in the future.  We'd prefer to hold him in our arms now, not later.  But, that's not an option.  Until then we continue to have faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the comforting peace that it can bring--and cry.  A lot.

New Kicks

Penelope has been making good progress with her physical therapy.  She loves to walk all over the place when she holds our hands.  She also has started crawling on the bed, but nowhere else.  I think she feels safe on the soft bed.  She pulls herself up to her knees against any surface she can--chairs, the couch, the entertainment center, her exersaucer, beds, and on and on and on.  With all this walking, she is still really wobbly, even in her Keen sandals, which provide pretty good support. 

 Last time we were at physical therapy they started talking (well, not P's therapist, but another one watching us) about orthopedic baby ankle boots.  My kid doesn't have club feet!  She doesn't need orthopedic shoes!  I have flat feet, and I can walk.  My pediatrician says babies don't develop their arches until they're two anyway.  But, when P walks barefoot, her ankles really do roll inwards.  So, we broke down and bought her nice, supportive tennis shoes!  They are bright purple and lime green.  She was so excited when she got them that she spun in a circle pounding her feet on the floor.  That, and she's been walking all day since.  She literally refuses to sit down!  They do seem to make a difference in her stability.  Here's hoping she can learn to walk a little sooner!

Penelope Discovers the Box of Cheerios

We left the pantry open and Penelope quickly learned the joy of dumping cheerios on the floor. She seemed to thoroughly enjoy it!